Блог Анкара

The 5th Wave_By Rich Tennant

"We all knov* it’s a pie, Helen. There’s no need to pipe the equation 3.141592.653 on the top,

In this part. . .

M^ere You find ten of the most traditional, classic brain-¥ m Teasers. Tackle and vanquish these problems, and you’ll rule the world. (Well, that may be a bit strong, but you can certainly claim dominion over your block.) After that, find out how even You Could become a mathematician. Sure you could! If the people listed here could conquer mathematics and make their mark, then why not you?

Chapter 21

The 5th Wave By Rich Tennant

Tha-t should do it

In this part. . .

The best things come in small packages, and these mini chapters are no exception. Every For Dummies Book ends with an offering of condensed information that’s easily digestible and fun to devour.

I give you some great tips for healthy living, the best superfoods to incorporate into your diet, and a list of herbal remedies to boost your health.

Also in this part is a handy A-Z list of therapies that you can use as a reference guide.

In This Chapter

^ Identifying techniques that are counterproductive to your self-esteem ^ Substituting healthier self-esteem strategies

\M Ou may be trying to manage your low self-esteem in ways that are coun-terproductive, particularly in the long term. This chapter highlights ten techniques that don’t boost your self-esteem effectively.

‘Why focus on where I’m going wrong?’ you may ask. Well, using the strategies we describe in this chapter to boost your self-esteem is like trying to dig your way out of hole. Your first step is to realise you’re only digging yourself deeper – so put down that shovel! Only when you stop digging, can you begin to look for other ways to get out of the hole. Fortunately, we include several self-esteem ladders within this book to help you find your way out.

The following ten points describe counterproductive strategies for boosting your self-esteem. We explain why they don’t work and suggest more constructive ways of increasing your sense of self-worth.

Putting Others boutn

If you measure your self-esteem by comparing yourself with other people and tend to regard yourself as inferior, you may try to boost your worth by putting down other people, whether in your mind, by moaning about them to others, or by criticising them directly.

By increasing your sense of other people’s inferiority, you may manage to persuade yourself temporarily that you’re less inferior. But, you won’t change the underlying problem – your attitude towards yourself. Putting down others is tiring not only for you but also for other people – and doing so does not elicit warm responses from others.

Instead, try respecting your own uniqueness – and that of others. The human race is a species, not a competition. Focus on following your own values and pursuing your own goals. Pay more attention to your own strengths rather than others’ weaknesses.

If you feel inferior, re-evaluating your attitude towards yourself is more effective than trying to pull down someone else’s self-esteem.

Thinking \lou’re Special

Trying to replace a sense of worthlessness with a feeling of ‘specialness’ is another common self-defeating technique you can adopt for beating low self-esteem. Look out for times when you tell yourself ‘If I’m not different, I’m nothing’, or ‘Being average or normal is like not existing’.

The problem here is that, as far as the universe is concerned, you’re not special. No one is. You may be unique, but so is everyone else. In fact, you may well try so hard to avoid the ‘horror’ of mediocrity that you end up living an unhappy and unfulfilled life. This tendency largely stems from an extreme form of All or nothing thinking (which we explain in Chapter 2) and the mistaken idea that you need to reduce low self-esteem by wildly overcompensating.

Rather than trying to assert that you’re special, focus your attention in a more constructive direction. Challenge the idea that you need to be ‘special’ in order to feel okay about yourself. Accept yourself as a normal, ordinary, worthwhile individual, just like everyone else.

Trying to Get Everyone to Like \lou

Substituting your dislike of yourself by trying to win the approval of other people is a recipe for anxiety. You can end up feeling anxious about not achieving your goal of being liked by someone or a group. If you do achieve your goal and win approval, you’re likely to become anxious about losing your prize.

The real pity is that your imagined ‘need’ for approval may not help you give off the attractive, self-assured air you would so dearly like. Believing that you need to be liked in order to like yourself can leave you in a desperate position. Allowing people to walk all over you in an attempt to win their approval has a pretty negative impact on your self-esteem, for fairly obvious reasons.

Rather than attempting to win approval, strive for respect. If you respect yourself, you give off an air of being comfortable in your own skin. People with true self-respect are those often most respected by others. You don’t have to be a slave to this principle, but seeking respect can help you assert yourself more readily.

Placing \loursel( above Criticism

Placing yourself above criticism is a classic tactic if you believe that being criticised reveals you to be inadequate, useless, or a failure. Perfectionism, covering up your weaknesses, and defensiveness are the inevitable result. You try to be flawless so that other people can’t criticise you. However, you end up being unduly harsh with yourself for your shortcomings and errors. You may even believe that you can knock yourself into shape by criticising yourself, unwittingly lowering your self-image further.

Instead, try to accept your human fallibility without condemning yourself. Mistakes and flaws are an unavoidable aspect of being human, no matter how hard you try to change things. Don’t be ashamed of your shortcomings – everyone else has flaws too. Do you think people really lose respect for you if they find out you’re only human? They probably don’t. Chances are, they’ll be relieved and feel more able to relax in your company. Their respect for you may even grow, because they can accept you, warts and all.

Reveal an imperfection and check out the response you get. Try accepting yourself non-defensively in the face of criticism. If someone criticises you, try asking them for more information. Most people find owning up to their human fallibility a far more productive strategy than striving to be perfect.

Lil/l

Choosing perfection as your goal is setting yourself up to fail because No one Is capable of being perfect. The more you fail to reach your unrealistic goal, the more you put yourself down. Don’t be tempted to try harder to be perfect. Instead, try harder to accept your imperfection.

Avoiding Failure, Disapproval, Rejection, and Other Animals

You may find that you avoid situations, places, or people that trigger your tendency to put yourself down. This approach is very much a way of papering over the cracks. Your underlying attitude towards yourself remains the problem. By avoiding potential failure, you don’t change your attitude: You simply postpone setting off your insecurity for a while.

A long-lasting, elegant solution to overcoming poor self-esteem is for you to uncover, examine, and change any unhelpful attitudes you may have developed towards yourself. Then, you can deliberately seek out the things you’ve been avoiding, while practicing your new self-accepting attitude (head to Chapter 12 for more).

Avoiding \lour Emotions

You may try to block out certain emotions because you regard them as a sign of weakness. Although you may try to persuade yourself that you’re strong because you can control your emotions, your relationships and psychological health are likely to suffer.

Having a wide range of emotions is part of what makes you human. Try as you might, avoiding these emotions is difficult – and unhealthy. You may end up feeling isolated, cold, and aloof in your relationships, which can rob you of much richer and more satisfying experiences. Begin to accept your feelings and recognise that this acceptance shows courage, not weakness.

Sometimes, experiencing strong negative emotions is a natural response to adversity, a part of the healing process, and a sign of strength in facing up to difficulties.

Attempting to Feel More Significant by Controlling Others

If you try to control others, the underlying assumption is that you need to Prove Your significance by having an affect on other people. The problem is that without this Proof, You are (in your eyes) insignificant.

Perhaps you immediately offer unsolicited advice or try to convert others to a favourite cause to prove that you are a person of influence? Unfortunately, your lack of respect for others’ thoughts, feelings, and behaviours may actually be a turn-off to those other people.

Compulsively trying to influence or affect people actually shows you have a lack of control. You also reinforce a negative self-image by acting as if you have to prove something to be worthwhile or significant.

Imagine how you’d interact with people if you didn’t have the need to prove your power or influence. You can use this imagining exercise as a guide to new healthier behaviour.

Over-befending \lour Self-Worth

We don’t advocate you being a doormat, but the healthy alternative to being passive is to stay calm in the face of minor slights. Constantly defending your self-worth can lead to verbal or physical aggression. Besides, if you’re confident in your self-worth, do you really need to guard it so carefully? Insisting that others must show you respect at all times leads to unhealthy anger. Your compulsive outrage at being disrespected can simply drive you to take people to task for minor assaults on your fragile self-esteem.

Respect yourself regardless of whether other people treat you respectfully. Self-respect affords you the ability to assert yourself appropriately when it’s Worth Doing so.

Feeling Superior

You may have superior, equal, and inferior traits compared with other people, but the idea that you are either an inferior or superior Person Is an overgener-alisation. No one is superior Or Inferior to everyone else in every way. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.

Some people can only feel good about themselves when they convince themselves that they are ‘the best’. Many people with this tendency try to demonstrate their superiority by showing off their physical or psychological strength. For example, you may feel driven to impress people with your wit, intellect, or other talent. Unfortunately, these solutions are only temporary ones to your underlying feelings of inferiority, which can be your real target for change. At worst, your attempts at superiority serve only to alienate other people and mask your true strengths.

Although the notion of the ‘real you’ is a bit simplistic, try dropping the superiority. Be as authentic as you can and see how people respond to you.

Blaming Nature or Nuture for l/our Problems

0

Blaming your problems on your past, genetics, hormones, brain chemistry, or other people, does have the distinct advantage of temporarily alleviating any sense that you’re stupid, pathetic, or less worthwhile. This blame system stems from the mistaken idea that if you take an appropriate degree of responsibility for your emotional problems, then it means that you’re to blame for those problems. Protecting your self-esteem by blaming something or someone else can typically backfire, which makes real change more difficult because you attribute your problems to factors outside of your control.

Half of the people in the Western world experience some kind of significant emotional problem during the course of their lives. So, having an emotional problem simply means you’re human.

Use your understanding of your past and your ‘make-up’ to develop a compassionate, sympathetic perspective towards your current difficulties. Take some personal responsibility for keeping your problems going. Recognising how you may be making your problems worse gives you the power to make changes for the better.

Unhelpful ideas about how to feel good about yourself can stem from childhood messages. Teachers or parents may have told you to ‘Be the best’, ‘Never admit that you’re wrong’, ‘Our family is better than other families’, ‘Failure is not an option’, or ‘Big boys don’t cry’. Such messages may have been offered to you as words of wisdom, but as an adult you can re-evaluate their truth and helpfulness. You can decide to dump them in favour of updated, self-acceptance and other acceptance beliefs.

In This Chapter

► U. S. massage spots

► International massage spots

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I Wou’re Going to get double your money’s worth out of this chapter Jr Because it actually includes not ten, but twenty, spectacular places to ^receive a massage, ten in the U. S. and ten in other countries. How can we afford to do this, you ask? Well, we spare no expense when it comes to letting you know about potentially the most spectacular massage experience of your life.

Let’s face it, just about anywhere you are when you’re receiving a massage is an outstanding place. Close your eyes and off you go to paradise. But trust me on this, your experience may be enhanced if you manage to make your way to one of the many truly incredible environments that are waiting for you out there. Any one of the following locales may set your imagination soaring and stimulate your sense of the beautiful in life. You may also find it quite an adventure getting to some of these exotic spots, so buckle up and get ready for some of the most pleasurable explorations of your life.

U. S. Massage Spots

Here are some great places to go in the U. S. when you’re seeking your next fabulous massage experience.

Enchantment, 525 Boynton Canyon Road, Sedona, AZ 86336; 800-826-4180;

Www. arizonaguide. com/enchantment.

This is one place I’m almost reluctant to name because it’s such a special secret hideaway, but because you were kind enough and smart enough to buy this book I suppose you deserve to find out about it. First, go to Sedona, a

Small town two hours north of Phoenix, Arizona. Then follow Boynton Canyon Road a few miles out of town where you enter a spectacular valley sacred to the Native Americans who once lived in cliff dwellings there. The massage you receive in the spa is more than a massage. Be prepared for an exchange of energy between you, the massage therapist, and the powerful vibrations of the canyon itself. It’s filled with something mystical.

Esalen Institute, Highway 1, Big Sur, CA 93920; 408-667-3000;

Www. esalen. org.

This is the only spot to make it onto both the ten top schools list and the ten top massage spots lists. This place deserves it. Some people say that the consciousness of the entire planet has been shifted in a positive direction by people who receive massages on Esalen’s deck overlooking the Pacific. Here, a bunch of talented, sensitive people practice a form of massage that is meant to fine-tune your body and your awareness to an entirely new level. And you experience the whole thing while listening to the majestic fury of the Pacific Ocean pounding the rocks hundreds of feet below. I think you should go there and check it out.

Green Valley Spa, 1871 West Canyon View Drive, St. George, UT 84770; 800-237-1068; Www. i shopper. com/greenval 1 ey.

Just a two-hour drive from gaudy Vegas, Green Valley is a true oasis in the Utah desert — a magical place. To receive your massage, you enter a womblike inner chamber where it’s hard to tell whether you’re inside or outside. All the ingredients used on your skin are plucked by hand from the surrounding hills, and every detail of the environment is chosen to create a special experience, down to the color of the fruit in the water you drink. I personally cannot say enough good things about this place.

Harbin Hot Springs, P. O. Box 782, Middletown, CA 95461; 707-987-2477; Www. harbin. org.

Well, this spot is not for everyone. There are, after all, dozens of naked hippies walking around, seemingly oblivious to the fact that there are lots of other people in close proximity who are not naked hippies. Harbin can indeed feel like a throwback to the sixties or seventies, but the sublime waters gushing from the underground spring are more than enough to make up for the funky surroundings. Take turns dipping your body (naked or not, no one will judge you) into the hot spring and then the cold stream for some intense stimulation before heading into the massage center for your hour-and – a-half appointment with bliss.

Kohala Spa, 425 Waikoloa Beach Drive, Kona, HI 96738; 808-886-1234; Www. kohalaspa. com.

Ever wanted to receive a therapeutic massage from a native Hawaiian healer in preparation for a swim with the dolphins in a natural lagoon pool immedi -

Ately outside the massage room door? Me too. Well, the Koala spa is where you can do just that, and you can also enjoy the amenities at one of Earth’s finer resorts. This could be one of the greatest things you may ever experience, in the realm of massage or any other realm.

Little Palm Island, 28500 Overseas Highway, Little Torch Key, FL 33042; 800-343-8567; www. 1 I ttl epal mi si and. com.

If you’re in the Florida Keys and you’re searching for a secluded resort on its own private island where you can receive a massage in a mangrove tree house, then Little Palm Island is probably the place for you. This is Gilligan’s Island gone upscale, with about two dozen thatched-roof bungalows, a pool, a bar, water sports, and an incredible gourmet restaurant. What else do you need?

Nemacolin Woodlands Resort & Spa, 1001 LaFayette Drive, Farmington, PA; 15437; 800-422-2736; Www.Nemacol in. com.

Tucked away between silos and cow pastures in the Laurel Highlands out near West Virginia, you will find a surprisingly beautiful place called Nemacolin Woodlands Spa that would be considered a jewel in even the most exclusive areas. The newly renovated spa was designed by the well-known artist Clodagh, who has created more of a spiritual experience than a building. Within its walls, you’ll discover an opportunity to commune with the harmonious elements that have been brought together — water and wood, stone and light, sophistication and earthiness. After you’re thoroughly relaxed in these surroundings, request to receive your massage from a massage therapist who’s been on staff for a few years, long enough to have been trained by one of the country’s premier massage instructors, Bob King. Nemacolin flew Mr. King in for a special private training, which is indicative of the way they do just about everything — first class.

The Peaks, P. O. Box 2702, Telluride, CO 81435; 800-789-2220; Www.thepeaksresort. com.

Swoosh down the slopes in this incredible alpine valley, straight into the embrace of a topnotch luxury spa where a squadron of massage pros wait to take care of you. Telluride’s a lovely place in the summer, too. The only downside to receiving a massage here is that you may be lying down for an hour with your eyes closed instead of out exploring the spectacular countryside

Spa of the Rockies, 1 Crystal Park Road, Manitou Springs, CO 80809; 719-685-1198.

This is a little-bitty place, but it has a big heart, and it’s really cool. You can find it up a side street in the old mining town of Manitou Springs, near Colorado Springs and spectacular Garden of the Gods Park. Try to visit in the winter so you can soak outside beneath the chilly night sky in a big hot tub;

Then come inside to the sauna where your massage therapist joins you, beats you with wet oak branches, and covers you with organic honey before leading you to the massage room. Now I call that service!

Ten Thousand Waves, 3451 Hyde Park Road, Santa Fe, NM 87501; 505-992-5000; Www. primenet. com/spareporter/waves. htm.

Besides offering a long list of very talented massage therapists on staff, Ten Thousand Waves gives you that all-too-rare opportunity, a chance to wear a kimono in public! Yes, they hand you a kimono when you check in at the desk. Next, you’re off to the lockers, then out to a clothing-optional hot tub environment that is surrounded by breathtaking mountain scenery. After saunas and soaking, your massage therapist takes you to a light-filled chamber for some high-quality bodywork. As an added bonus, you can head into Santa Fe afterwards for some of the best green chili on the planet.

International Massage Spots

It’s true, the world is big, and there are thousands of tremendous massage experiences waiting out there for you, but the following list at least offers a few good places to get started.

Amandari, Kedewatan, Ubud, Bali, Indonesia; tel. 011 62 361 975333; Www.Amanresorts. com/dari_m. html.

So, say you’re bored. And you have an extra $25,000 or so burning a hole in your pocket. Why not come to Bali and live for several weeks at the incredible Amandari Resort? Locals believe the area to be a spiritual place, with nearby paths meandering through the jungle valley down to a sacred pool. While you’re there, you can partake in the spiritual atmosphere yourself during a one-hour Amandari massage. During this sublime procedure, you will recline beneath a thatched-hut structure out by the tranquil lotus pool while being anointed with indigenous Indonesian oils by a highly skilled native practitioner. It doesn’t get much better than this anywhere on Earth

Camp Eden, Currumbin Creek Road, Currumbin Valley, Queensland, Australia, 4223; Tel. 61 (7) 5533 0333 or (800) 074 157; Www.Campeden. com. a u.

If you don’t mind getting a leech stuck on your big toe, as I did when running the fitness course through the rainforests of lush Camp Eden, then you may surely enjoy a visit to this remote-yet-close health retreat. Camp Eden is near Surfer’s Paradise along the east coast of Australia, where the weather is lovely, the people magnificent, and the massage therapists’ fingers as strong as those of a man wrapping his hand around a can of Foster’s lager after a long day herding sheep in the outback.

Casa del Sol, Av. Gral. Diego Diaz Gonzalez #31, Col. Parres, 62550 Cuernavaca, Mexico; tel. 52 (73) 21-0999, toll-free 01-800-999-9100;

Www. misiondelsol .com. mx.

Ethereal beings clad in white escort you through a complex of buildings constructed of the most natural materials available: clay, wood and stone. You are ushered into inner chambers for your massage, which is more than a massage, because at the same time you are surrounded by the philosophy of Mision del Sol, which attempts to bring your internal environment into total harmony with an ecologically balanced external environment. The end result, hope the resort’s owners, is to increase human consciousness to a universal level. At the very least, you get a killer massage.

Charlie’s Spa at San Souci, Box 103, Ocho Rios, Jamaica; 800-203-7456.

This is the place to go if you’re the type who would like to receive a massage in a picturesque little gazebo out at the end of a walkway surrounded on all sides by the aquamarine waters of the Caribbean. All the while, you hear faint strains of reggae music wash up from the distant beach bar, and a giant sea turtle named Charlie floats effortlessly by in a nearby fresh water grotto. If you’re the type who would like this experience, definitely call this spa.

Javana Spa, Plaza Bisnis Kemang, Building 2, Kemang, Jakarta, 121730, Indonesia; tel. 011 62 21 719-8327; Www. Javanaspa. com.

Up in the cool hills outside of hectic Jakarta, you find a tranquil, spectacular place — Javana Spa. The altitude (1,200 meters) makes for fresh air and a feeling of escape from the humid tropical world of mere mortals below. Hike through forests to hidden waterfalls, then head back to the spa for your massage that includes natural oils and ingredients found right on this Pacific island. If you’re feeling brave, ask for their traditional Indonesian massage, an intense experienceJhat is "not for the faint of heart" as one resort official put it. Also, make sure to book your appointment in one of the rooms facing out toward the rainforest. The lush sights and sounds of tropical wildlife provide an exotic backdrop for your experience.

La Mamounia, Avenue Bab Jdid, Marrakech, Morocco; (212-4) 44-89-81, fax (212-4) 44-46-60; Www. mamouni a. com.

^HLGfy This resort, often described as the best hotel in Northern Africa, was the ^"^^v haunt of Winston Churchill, and it was one of the few places where he felt I serene and removed enough from world affairs to practice his favorite pas-time, watercolor painting. To receive your massage, you enter the Hamam, Or Turkish bath. There an entire ceremony takes place in a beautiful white marbled, Moorish-tiled steam room that is perfumed with natural, delicately boiled herbs. You’re scrubbed with a natural paste, then bathed and toweled before the massage, which is also done in the steam room. The whole process takes about two hours, and afterwards you may feel like a character out of a romantic international novel.

Les Thermes Marins, 2 Ave de Monte Carlo, BP 215, Monte Carlo, France; 98004; tel. 377-92-16-40-40.

If you’re feeling kind of ritzy, put your Ray Bans on, hop in your yacht, and head to Monte Carlo for Les Thermes Marins, a spa with a sea view. And it’s not only a view you get, but sea therapy as well. After a soak in a natural sea-water bath, request an hour-long massage before heading out to the casinos for the evening. This retreat has been called "the most luxurious thalassotherapy center, or seawater spa, in the world," but the price for a full day including four treatments won’t drain your bank account.

Spa Deus, Via Le Piane 35-53042, Chianciano (SI) Italy; 39-(0) 578-63232, Www. spadeus. it.

If you come under the spell of the Tuscan sun and can’t wait to start your Italian getaway, but don’t know where to begin and would like to get a massage while you’re thinking about it anyway, definitely book an appointment at Spa Deus. They offer a good blend of European and American philosophies, and if you ever tire of the fine massages and healthy lifestyle choices there, you can head out in your rented Fiat for a little tour of the magnificent countryside.

Spiritual Massage, Angela Moraes, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; tel. 5521 274-5195; e-mail: Solgavea@mandic. com. br.

If you happen to be in Rio de Janeiro and you want a spiritual experience, call Angela Moraes, who offers something called Massagem Espiritual, which is Portuguese for spiritual massage. You may not know this, but Brazilians are famous for their spiritual inclinations, as well as their more, um, worldly inclinations. Just being in Rio is a kind of spiritual experience in itself. Call Angela to make it extra special. She has a healing center in a gorgeous area near mountains, ±>eaches, and forests, but still right in the city.

Wat Po Temple, Bangkok, Thailand

If you’re in Bangkok, just ask anybody where Wat Po is, and they may be able to tell you. It’s kind of hard to miss sprawling temples with massive golden Buddhas, right? The massage you receive there has a reputation of being "intense," but in a good way, of course. And it won’t be in a darkened private room with flute music playing, like you may expect, but in an open public pavilion with several beds all together, and you wear loose-fitting clothing. And be warned, the massage is so wonderful, and the price so affordable, you may end up here for hours!

Chapter 23