Блог Анкара

In This Chapter

^ Defining your goals for emotional and behavioural change

^ Motivating yourself

^ Recording your progress

F

■ f we had to define the purpose of therapy, its purpose would Not Be to

Make you a straighter-thinking, more rational person. Rather, the purpose of therapy is to help you achieve your goals. Thinking differently is one way of achieving those goals. CBT can help you change the way you feel and behave. This chapter helps you define your goals and suggests some sources of inspiration for change.

Aaron Beck, founder of cognitive therapy, says that CBT is whatever helps you move from your problems to your goals. This definition emphasises the pragmatic and flexible nature of CBT, and encourages clients and therapists to select from a wide range of psychological techniques to help achieve goals in therapy. The crucial message though, is that effective therapy is a constructive process, helping you to achieve your goals.

Putting SPORT Into I/our Goals

Many people struggle to overcome their problems because their goals are too vague. To help you develop goals that are clearer and easier to set your sights on, we developed the acronym SPORT, which stands for:

Specific: Be precise about where, when, and/or with whom you want to feel or behave differently. For example, you may want to feel concerned rather than anxious about making a presentation at work, and during the presentation you may want to concentrate on the audience rather than on yourself.

Positive: State your goals in positive terms, encouraging yourself to develop more, rather than less, of something. For example, you may want to gain more confidence (rather than become less anxious) or to hone a skill (rather than make fewer mistakes).

Think of therapy as a journey. You’re more likely to end up where you want to be if you focus on getting to your destination rather than on what you’re trying to get away from.

Observable: Try to include in your goal a description of a behavioural change that you can observe. Then, you can tell when you’ve achieved your goal because you can see a specific change.

If you’re finding it hard to describe an observable change, think to yourself: ‘How would the Martians, looking down from Mars, know I felt better simply by watching me?’

Realistic: Make your goals clear, concrete, realistic, and achievable. Focus on goals that are within your reach, and that depend on change from you rather than from other people. Try to visualise yourself achieving your goals. Realistic goals help you to stay motivated and focused.

Time: Set a timeframe to keep you focused and efficient in your pursuit of a goal. For example, if you’ve been avoiding something for a while, decide when you plan to tackle it. Specify how long and how often you wish to carry out a new behaviour, such as going to the gym three times a week for an hour at a time.

Some goals, such as recovering from severe depression, can vary a lot in terms of how long they take to achieve. Setting schedules too rigidly can lead you to become depressed or angry at your lack of progress. So, set your deadlines firmly but flexibly, accept yourself if you don’t achieve them on time, and persevere!

Homing In on HouJ \lou Want to Be different

Defining your goals and writing them down on paper forms the foundation of your CBT programme. This section helps you identify how you may want to feel and act differently.

Setting goals in relation to your current problems

To set a goal concerned with overcoming an emotional problem, you first need to define the problem, which we talk about in Chapter 6 (where we explore unhealthy emotions and behaviours and their healthy counterparts). Also refer to Chapter 7, in which we explore how attempts to make yourself feel better can sometimes make problems worse.

A Problem statement Contains the following components:

Feelings/emotions

A situation or theme that triggered your emotion

The way you tend to act in the situation when you feel your problem emotion

Befitting how you Want to feet as an alternative

CBT can help you attain changes in the way you feel emotionally. For example, you may decide that you want to feel sad and disappointed, rather than depressed and hurt, about the end of your marriage.

Aiming to feel ‘okay’, ‘fine’, or ‘relaxed’ may not fit the bill if you’re dealing with a tough situation. Feeling negative emotions about negative events is realistic and appropriate. Keep your goals realistic and helpful by aiming to have healthy emotions. Try to maintain an appropriate level of emotional intensity when faced with difficult events (take a look at Chapter 6 for more on healthy emotions).

Defining how you Want to act

The second area of change that CBT can help you with is your behaviour. For example, after going through a divorce, you may decide that you want to begin seeing your friends and return to work, instead of staying in bed and watching TV all day.

You can also include changes to your mental activities within your goal, such as refocusing your attention on the outside world or allowing Catastrophic (upsetting or worst-case scenario) thoughts to simply pass through your mind (refer to Chapter 5 for more on this).

Making a statement

A goal statement Is very similar to a problem statement – they have the same components, but the emotions and behaviours are different. A good goal statement involves the following:

To feel_(emotion)

About_(theme or situation) and

To_(behaviour).

So, for example, you may want to feel Concerned (emotion) about Saying something foolish at a dinner party (situation) and to Stay at the table in order to make further conversation (behaviour).

Maximising \lour Motivation

Motivation has a funny way of waxing and waning, just like the moon. Luckily, you don’t necessarily have to feel motivated about changing before you can take steps forward. Motivation often follows rather than precedes positive action – often people find they ‘get into’ something once they’ve started. This section suggests some ways to generate motivation and encourages you to carry on working towards goals in the temporary absence of motivation.

Identifying inspiration for change

Lots of people find change difficult. Your motivation may flag sometimes, or you may not ever be able to imagine overcoming your difficulties. If either of these situations sounds familiar to you, you’re in good company. Many people draw on sources of inspiration when starting with, and persevering through, the process of overcoming emotional problems. Sources of encouragement worth considering include the following:

Role models who have characteristics you aspire to adopt yourself.

For example, you may know someone who stays calm, expresses feelings to others, is open-minded to new experiences, or is assertive and determined. Whether real-life or fictional, alive or dead, known to you or someone you’ve never met, choose someone who inspires you and can give you a model for a new way of being.

Inspirational stories of people overcoming adversity. Ordinary people regularly survive the most extraordinary experiences. Stories of their personal experiences can lead you to make powerful personal changes.

Focus on taking a leaf out of an inspirational individual’s book, not on comparing yourself negatively with someone’s ‘superior’ coping skills.

Images and metaphors. Thinking of yourself as, for example, a sturdy tree withstanding a strong wind blowing against you, which can be an inspiring metaphor to represent you withstanding unreasonable criticism.

Proverbs, quotes, and icons. Use ideas you’ve heard expressed in novels, religious literature, films, songs, or quotes from well-respected people, to keep you reaching for your goals.

Focusing on the benefits of change

People often maintain unhelpful patterns of behaviour (such as, consistently arriving late for work) because they focus on the short-term benefit (in this case, avoiding the anxiety of being on a crowded bus or train) at the time of carrying out that behaviour. However, away from the immediate discomfort, these same people may focus on wishing they were free from the restrictions of their emotional problem (being able to travel carefree on public transport).

Completing a cost-benefit analysis

Carrying out a Cost-benefit analysis (CBA) to examine the pros and cons of something can help galvanise your commitment to change. You can use a CBA to examine the advantages and disadvantages of a number of things, such as:

Behaviours: How helpful is this action to you? Does it bring short-term or long-term benefits?

Emotions: How helpful is this feeling? For example, does feeling guilty or angry really help you?

Thoughts, attitudes, or beliefs: Where does thinking this way get you? How does this belief help you?

Options for solving a practical problem: How can this solution work out? Is this really the best possible answer to the problem?

When using a CBA form such as the one shown in Table 8-1, remember to evaluate the pros and cons:

In the short-term In the long-term For yourself For other people

Try to write CBA statements in pairs, particularly when you’re considering changing the way you feel, act, or think. What are the Advantages Of feeling anxiety? And the Disadvantages? Write down pairs of statements for what you feel, do, or think Currently, And for other, healthier alternatives. Tables 8-2 and 8-3 show a completed CBA form. You can find a larger, blank cost-benefit analysis form in Appendix B, which you can photocopy and fill in.

I may end up running off atthe I’ll be able to concentrate on what’s being

Mouth and people might not like me. said and I won’t seem so distracted.

Table 8-3 Second Cost-Benefit Analysis: ‘Costs and Benefits of Preparing in My Head What I’m Going to Say Before Speaking’

Costs Benefits

I can’t relax into the conversation. I may think of something funny or entertaining to say.

Sometimes, I feel like the conversation moves on before I’ve had the chance to thinkof the right thingto say. I cantake more care not to offend people.

After you’ve done a CBA, review it with a critical eye on the ‘benefits’ of staying the same and the ‘costs’ of change. You may decide that these costs and benefits are not strictly accurate. The more you can boost your sense that change can benefit you, the more motivated you can feel in working towards your goals.

Write out a motivational flashcard that states the Benefits of change And Costs of staying the same, Drawn from your cost-benefit analysis. You can then refer to this to give yourself a motivational boost when you need it.

A large aspect of achieving a goal, whether learning to play the guitar or building up a business, is about accepting temporary discomfort in order to bring long-term benefit.

Recording your progress

Keeping records of your progress can help you stay motivated. If your motivation flags, spur yourself on towards your goal by reviewing how far you’ve come. Use a problem-and-goal sheet like that in Figure 8-1, to specify your problem and rate its intensity. Then define your goal, and rate your progress towards achieving it. Do this at regular intervals, such as every one or two weeks.

1. Identify the problem you’re tackling. Include information about the emotions and behaviours related to a specific event. Remember, you’re feeling an Emotion About a Situation, Leading you to Behave In a certain way.

2. At regular intervals, evaluate the intensity of your emotional problem and how much it interferes with your life. 0 equals no emotional distress, and no interference in your life, and 10 equals maximum possible emotional distress, at great frequency, with great interference in your life.

3. Fill in the goal section, keeping the theme or situation the same, but specifying how you wish to feel and act differently.

4. Rate how close you are to achieving your goal. 0 equals no progress whatsoever, at any time, and 10 means that the change in your emotion and behaviour is completely and consistently achieved.

Using the form below, identify one of the main problems you wish to work on in therapy. A problem statement includes information about the emotions and behaviour related to a specific situation or event. For example: ‘Feeling depressed about the end of my marriage leading me to become withdrawn and spend until around 6pm each day in bed’ or ‘Feeling anxious about social situations leading me to avoid going to pubs, restaurants, and meetings, or to be extremely careful about what I say

If I do socialise’. Think of writing your problem statement as filling in blanks: Feeling_(emotion) about_(situation), leading me to_(behaviour).

Use the same format to identify the goal you would like to achieve, but this time specify how you would like things to be different in terms of your emotions and behaviour.

Rate how close you are to achieving your goal. 0 = No progress whatsoever 10 = Goal achieved and sustained consistently

Change doesn’t happen overnight, so don’t rate your progress any more frequently than weekly. Look for Overall Changes in the Frequency, intensity, And Duration Of your problematic feelings and behaviours.

Mercurial desires

People often find that they want to change their goals on a whim or a fancy. For example, you may have a goal of being more productive and advancing your position at work. Then, after going to a Summer Solstice rave, you decide that really your goal is to be free and to travel the world, communing with the essence of life. Whatyou choose asyour definitive goal is upto

You. But be wary of being influenced too easily by whatever’s foremost in your mind. Constantly abandoning former goals and adopting new ones can be a mask for avoidance and procrastination. Use the SPORT acronym, as described atthe start ofthis chapter, to assess the durability and functionality of each of your chosen goals.