Блог Анкара

In This Chapter

► Obtaining healthy pleasure

► Examining your touch-ability

► Choosing the right style of massage for you

► Deciphering touch terminology

Mil/hen you first begin to discover massage, youTl undoubtedly WW Encounter some strange new words and some strange new concepts that might confuse you at first. Have no fear! This chapter is your own personal travel guide to help you navigate the sometimes puzzling new terrain in the world of massage. Here youTl find out how to accept the pleasures of massage into your life and how to choose the type of massage that’s right for you. You’ll even find an English-Massage dictionary at the end of the chapter that will help you speak the language of massage with other people.

To paraphrase Forrest Gump, sometimes massage is like a box of chocolates — you never know exactly what you’re gonna get, but you know it’s gonna be good. However, if you eat the whole thing, you’re gonna end up feeling guilty and a little bloated.

Many people just can’t seem to understand that massage is anything more than…

1 Indulgence

\^ Luxury I ^ Pampering

And therefore they pass when it comes to massage. Some people raise their noses up at its pleasures as if they were too good for it. Others shy away from the experience, calling it expensive and extravagant, as if massage were too good for them.

Healthy Pleasure

The Mary Poppins problem

In my opinion, you can trace the debilitating attitude so many people have concerning pleasure back to one particular person, somebody you’d never suspect. Yes, I’m talking about Mary Poppins. In the film, she waltzes around looking all prim and respectable and happy in her tight-fitting outfit, singing, "It takes a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down" until eventually people end up believing her. Now, everybody thinks that anything good for him or her should feel bad. No pain, no gain, right? This philosophy pretty much messed up an entire generation. What if sugar was the medicine? What if pleasure — not the medicine — made the pain go away?

As one scholar put it, "Recent research supports the view that the deprivation of physical pleasure is a major ingredient in the expression of physical violence" (Juhan p.53). People need pleasure to be healthy, and receiving massage is one of the most natural, healthy ways to expe-rience pleasure without any negative side

RihtifHiHHH^HHHHII^I

The following definition is inscribed on a coffee mug from a massage school in New Jersey: Mas-sage: (n.) the pleasure that relieves the pain. That’s a good way to look at it. If you think of massage as pleasurable medicine, you will be able to accept it into your life more easily.

The underlying reason for both of these attitudes is guilt. Many people simply have trouble justifying paying for something that feels as good as massage. They also have difficulty justifying having another human pay such lavish attention to them for an entire hour.

Well, this guilt is truly unfortunate, and completely unnecessary, because massage is actually much better for you than chocolate. In fact, it has all of the pleasures without any of the negative side effects. That’s right, there’s not a single thing wrong with massage.

Massage…

Is* Is calorie free

Is* Is fat free

Is* Won’t rot your teeth

Is0 Is impossible to overdose on

Well okay, massage does have one catch. Make no mistake about it, once you taste good massage, you’re going to want more — lots more. Like chocolate, massage can be addictive. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You can receive a massage every day for the rest of your life with absolutely no negative side effects.

In fact, beloved entertainer, Bob Hope, has received a massage almost every day of his life for over fifty years. He’s dragged a number of massage therapists all over the globe with him while he was off entertaining the troops and making his movies. I had the opportunity to massage him once myself. At the time, he was 87 years old, but because of all the massage he’d received over the years, his skin was smooth and supple, and his muscles were amazingly well toned.

Of course, you may not have the time or money for a massage every day like Bob Hope. But time or money isn’t what’s most likely to stop you in the first place. It’s your attitude.

Testing \lour Touch-Ability

The one thing about massage that you really can’t avoid is the fact that you have to touch another human body in order to do it. This basic reality is what keeps many people from taking the first step of either getting or receiving a massage. Touch another human? Yuck!

Most societies have quite a few touch-related taboos and complexes, things that may be holding you back from experiencing massage. The following touch-ability survey can help reveal your own, perhaps unconscious, touch taboos, and suggest ways to overcome them. After you know what problems you’re dealing with, you can proceed more easily. Be totally honest with yourself. There are no right or wrong answers, only helpful ones.

For each question, fill in the number that most closely matches your feelings.

W Strongly disagree: 1 U07 Disagree: 2

Neutral: 3 U0 Agree: 4 V01 Strongly agree: 5

1. My childhood family encouraged touching and hugging between members._

2. I can offer a compassionate touch on the arm, shoulder, or back of someone I don’t know, and doing so feels natural._

3. When someone bumps me on the street, instead of feeling anger, my first reaction is to brush it off as an accident._

4. My natural inclination is to massage animals (at least ones that don’t bite), scratching them behind the ears to make them feel good._

5. I can touch or be touched by someone I find attractive without having sexual intentions or fantasies about them._

6. I prefer to go barefoot outdoors when safe and appropriate._

7. I have, on occasion, hugged a tree or draped myself luxuriously over a warm rock in the sun._

8. I believe in heart-to-heart hugs that express my affection and openness to people.__

9. People tell me I have "good hands" and ask me to rub their shoulders when they’re feeling stiff or sore._

10. In work situations, I offer encouragement and recognition to others with a heart-felt touch in combination with words of praise._

Total:_

The higher the number you come up with, the greater likelihood that touch and massage are something easy for you to accept in your life. If you scored a 50, great! Forge straight ahead into the following chapters, and enjoy. If you scored in the 40s, you’re among the most tactile people in the world, and massage is probably a part of your life already. If you scored in the 20s or 30s, you’re somewhere in the average regarding touch-ability, and you may want to stop here for a few minutes and consider trying some of the experiences listed below. If you scored below twenty, you’re still in the developmental stage of touch-ability, and you will definitely benefit by trying some or all of the following suggestions.

W Pick a parent, sibling, or even a cousin and give that person a hug for no reason.

It* The next time an appropriate situation arises, gently place your palm on the shoulder of someone you’ve just met, offering compassion and solidarity for a moment.

When someone bumps or jostles you, stop and take a deep breath and look for the hidden cause of your anger Usually the anger results because you feel that you’re in the "right." Let go of being right and be forgiving instead.

Is* Spend a full five minutes concentrating on nothing else but massaging the head and ears of a dog or cat (assuming you’re not allergic, of course).

J**1 Get a serious, therapeutic massage and concentrate on the inner relaxing of your muscles, just to show yourself that massage involves more than sensual pleasure.

Take a walk through a park barefoot, feeling the textures of various surfaces — sand, sidewalk, grass, gravel. Notice how your feet feel during and afterwards.

Head out to the woods, a quiet park, or deserted beach and hug a tree, or drape yourself luxuriously over a warm rock in the sun.

Give a heart-to-heart hug that expresses your affection to someone who would truly appreciate it.

Is* The next time someone you know complains of tight shoulders, offer to give him or her a five minute mini-massage. Don’t worry about doing it "right." Just focus on caring and compassion.

\s* The next time someone you work with does something right, offer a heart-felt touch on the arm or back in combination with a few words of praise. Examine your intentions before making this sort of contact, to make sure you don’t have any subconscious motivations that could later lead to a sexual harassment case. And offer this tactile support in plain view of other coworkers.

So Little Time, So Many Massages

Okay, so you’re filled with enthusiasm to go out and experience your first massage; you pick up the phone, call a massage school or clinic in your area, and ask to book an appointment. (See Chapter 8 for details on booking an appointment).

"What kind of bodywork do you prefer?" asks the receptionist.

"Bodywork?"

"Yes. Massage."

"Oh. Just something that feels good," you say.

"Of course. But we offer several modalities. Would you prefer the Swedish, the sports massage, the deep tissue, the Hellerwork, the Aston repatterning, the Thai massage, or the neuromuscular session?"

"Ah, let me get back to you on that," you say, and you hang up, ready to slip quietly back into your non-massage lifestyle before you even begin.

Don’t let this scenario happen to you! Now that you’ve decided to get a massage, the last thing you want is to get confused by the vast array of choices available and end up not receiving any kind of massage at all.

Be forewarned, this section is just an overview of the types of massage available. For now, I just want to familiarize you with a few of the choices, based upon the three main reasons that people decide to get a massage:

| ^ To relax

I )s* To feel better

I is* To Improve your body’s functioning

Often, your reasons are probably a combination of all three. You may have a little pain in your shoulder you’d like to ease, but at the same time, you want to lower your overall stress level. The three components of massage dovetail with each other; what helps you relax may lessen your pain, what realigns your body may help you relax, and so on.

The spiritual aspect of massage is a fourth component, a wild card that can pop up unannounced during any type of massage. This spiritual aspect is the way that you can use massage to attune to your own inner experience and get in touch — literally — with a deeper sense of self. (See Chapter 7 for more information on this topic.)

So which is the right style for you? Take a glance at the following categories and become familiar with some of the massage styles associated with each.

Massage for relaxation

Stress and tension are real. The human body has developed through eons of evolution to respond to stress and tension by preparing to either fight the obstacle or run away from it. This, the famous Fight-or-flight response, Came in very handy when primitive man was confronted with the occasional, large, dangerous animal. But in modern times, people are faced with a constant, unceasing barrage of tension-inducing stimuli, and they’re getting overloaded by it. If you live in a large metropolitan area, for instance, you’re being exposed to the equivalent of several dozen grizzly bears and a pack of ravenous wolves every time you venture out into rush-hour traffic.

Reducing the stress and tension in your life is a very good reason for wanting to get a massage. You don’t need any more justification than that.

If you’re interested in relaxing massage, ask for the following:

Is* Swedish massage: What most people envision when they think "massage." This method includes stroking, kneading, squeezing, rubbing, and so on.

Is* Light work: As in "not heavy," light work is a generic term for non-intrusive, gentle massage. See the section "Remodeling your body for fun and profit" later in this chapter for information about deeper massage during which the therapist’s fingers "intrude" into your musculature.

When in Hawaii…

Once, in Hawaii, I was in the mood for a relaxing massage to help relieve jet lag after a long trip. I was working at a spa there, and one of the massage therapists on staff, a native Hawaiian named Wesley Sen, offered to give me a Lomi lomi massage.

"Is that relaxing?" I asked as we walked together back to my hotel room.

"Sure it’s relaxing," he said.

"Then why are you carrying that pole with you?"

Sure enough, Wesley was carrying a thick, ten-foot long wooden pole in one hand. "It’s just for balance," he said. "Don’t worry."

Back in my room, Wesley had me lie down on the floor and then proceeded to pray over me in Hawaiian, which sets the mood atthe beginning of every true lomi lomi experience. In his prayer, he invited healing forces to be present with us in the room. For the next hour he stood on me, kneeled on me, pressed on me, and tossed my

Limbs around, ail along skillfully keeping his weight partially supported by the pole, one end of which he pushed against the floor to balance himself.

Wesley is not a small guy. I was amazed that he could perform this entire balancing act, using my body as a tightrope, and never once cause me the slightest discomfort. Afterwards, I was more relaxed than I’d felt in many months; the relaxation penetrated way down into my joints and up my nerves into my brain. Also, a pain I’d been experiencing in my shoulder disappeared, never to return again, and my digestion improved noticeably, too.

Skillful, relaxation massage can take you way beyond relaxation, healing what ails you and improving your body’s functioning as well. Several massage styles offer relaxation as well as deeply therapeutic results, such as lomi lomi, Trager, Rubenfeld Synergy, and many others.

Iis* Relaxation massage: Another generic term for nice-and-easy massage, relaxation massage usually refers to a light form of Swedish massage. Is* Esalen massage: Developed at the famous Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California, this massage features many long, flowing, gentle strokes.

Plenty of massage styles leave you relaxed, but the Swedish style is the one you’re most likely to run into. Swedish massage is kind of like the Visa or MasterCard of massage, accepted at millions of establishments around the world. It has many therapeutic benefits also, and some of its more advanced moves can be quite vigorous. If your intention is simply to chill out and be soothed by soft fingers, make sure to request light, easy pressure during your Swedish massage.

Communicate! Even if you’re just trading massage with a friend, you have to let the other person know what you want out of the experience.

Rx massage

Many people visit their massage therapist for the same reason they visit their doctor — to fix something that’s painful. This type of massage is called Remedial massage, Because it’s used as a remedy. Several types of massage, including good-old, relaxing Swedish massage, can have definite remedial effects; but here’s a short list of some styles particularly well-known for belonging to the "massage apothecary."

Of course, only well-trained professionals should attempt to give these types of massage.

If you’re interested in remedial massage, ask for the following:

Is* Manual lymphatic drainage: This type of massage helps your body flush toxins, such as pesticides and residual chemicals, by stimulating the flow of lymph in your body. It’s a very gentle massage that features light superficial movements on the skin.

Is* Touch for health: This treatment, which helps balance your inner healing energies, isn’t really a massage at all because the therapist’s hands don’t necessarily come into contact with the recipient’s body. The technique was developed by a nurse on the faculty at New York University and has been taught to thousands of healthcare practitioners.

Is* Neuromuscular therapy: This type of massage works on tight muscles that create the deep patterns of tension that can keep you in pain.

Is* Cranio-sacral: This type of massage adjusts the healthy functioning of your spine and cranium.

Is* Deep tissue massage: This generic term refers to any number of therapies that apply deep pressure and affect the body’s connective tissues.

Is* Shiatsu: This massage involves pressure point therapy — to balance the entire body and restore health — on specific points along invisible energy lines in the body called Meridians.

Shiatsu is the most well-known of several types of massage that work on the Meridians. It can be quite relaxing, but its primary focus is on restoring health and balance, as are other types of massage that work on these energy lines.

After having a serious car accident, a young man in Ohio began experiencing severe, debilitating pain every day. His doctors told him they had no drugs or surgery that could help him and that he’d have to learn to live with the pain, but his mother decided there must be a better way. She took him to see a massage therapist who treated the young man for several months using neuromuscular and cranio-sacral therapies. The end result was a pain-free young man who has now decided to become a massage therapist himself in order to help other people.

Remodeling your body for fun and profit

Several types of massage have developed over the years that focus on realigning your body, straightening you out, helping you form a healthier relationship with gravity and a more graceful, efficient way of moving. People often refer to this type of massage as Structural bodywork. You only want to sign up for one of these if you have specific goals in mind (such as improved posture, better athletic performance, and so on.) and, of course, you want a highly trained pro to do the work. The movements involved are quite deep, and the experience is not "relaxing" in the normal sense of the word, but your massage therapist will always keep your comfort foremost in mind.

If you’re interested in structural massage, ask for the following:

Rolling: The most well-known form or structural bodywork, this type of massage was invented by Ida Rolf.

Is* Hellerwork: A unique development of Rolfing, this type of massage was created by Joseph Heller.

W Aston patterning: This type of massage is a combination of touch techniques and movement repatterning that helps people move with ease and improve their posture.

Myofascial release: This type of massage is a combination of techniques that combine to "unwind" and release chronic tension patterns in deep tissues, which can cause many painful conditions.

Massage has its own lingo* much of which can be somewhat confusing at first. Massage lingo can also be intimidating, for two main reasons:

V Some massage terminology has origins in the medical field and can sound academically dense.

Some of the words used are just plain weird (and the only people you’ve heard speak them before are sophisticated, semi-naked celebrities on Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous).

Truthfully, though, no insider’s massage clique is sitting around in cashmere robes at some exclusive, country-club spa, ready to snicker at you for not knowing what the word "acupressure" means. Most of the massage words you encounter are the result of cultural influences from around the world, with a medical/scientific reference thrown in now and then.

Touch

Massage is all about making you feel comfortable in your own skin, and the last thing you want is to have a language barrier make you feel uncomfortable before you even begin. Words you don’t know can make you feel like an outsider, which may have the tragic consequence of keeping you from doing what you really want to do when you get a massage — relax and feel better.

Your goal may be to become one of those knowledgeable clients who enters a massage clinic and requests "a bit of cranio-sacral for this headache I’ve had for two days now, and then some Trager in the hip area to loosen my tight psoas, and throw in some trigger point work on my traps, will you?" Or, on the other hand, perhaps this massage mumbo-jumbo seems completely pointless to you, and all you really want to do is lie down and get rubbed. Even if you belong to the latter group, knowing at least a few of the terms that massage therapists (and those who receive massage) commonly employ is helpful.

This section is a primer on massage lingo to help familiarize you with the terms you may run into when you

Is* Contact a massage professional to inquire about rates, services, and so on )s* Visit a massage clinic

Is* Read journals, magazines, or books in the field Is* Attempt to explain massage to a friend

\s* Ask people to recommend a massage therapist or style for you

Table 5-1 lists several specialized massage words and phrases that at first glance seem deceptively like everyday words and phrases. But don’t be deceived. These words, when used in regards to massage, are highly specific and, when used correctly, can lead you to hours and hours of enjoyment, health benefits, and pleasure.

(continued)

Table 5-1 (continued) ____

Word_Non-massage definition Massage definition

Adhesion The sticky mark left on your Muscle and connective

Skin after removing an tissue fibers that are stuck

Adhesive bandage together because of

Injuries, scars, aging, and lack of movement. Massage can help separate most adhesions, which are sometimes painful, though not usually dangerous.

Chairs — usually in offices, in stores, or at special events

Bon jour, monsieur masseuse

You walk into a health club and sign up for a massage. A big, burly, bodybuilder of a man walks out shakes your hand in his massive paw, and tells you his name is John.

"Nice to meet you," you say, slightly awed. "How long have you been a masseuse?"

"Cm not a masseuse!" he thunders, causing you to shake in your sneakers. And once again you have that terrible realization that you’ve flubbed up the whole masseur/masseuse thing.

"Sorry," you stammer, confused and embarrassed, but inside you’re also a little mad. How are you supposed to remember the difference between those silly French words, and who made them up in the first place anyway?

Strangely enough, it was a Dutch man, Dr. Johann Mezger (1839-1909), who decided to

Use French words to describe the movements of massage, and even the word "massage" itself. The words for someone who performs massage therefore come from the French also:

*<" A Masseur Is a male practitioner of massage.

A Masseuse Is a female practitioner.

An easy way for you to remember the correct term is to think of Monsieur—the French word for Mr. — which sounds like masseur. And an even easier method is to avoid the masseur/masseuse dilemma altogether by using the more modern, non-gender-based term "massage therapist" for males and females alike, which is what most professionals prefer, anyway.

Chapter 6

In This Chapter

^ Defining CBT

^ Exploring the power of meanings

Understanding how your thoughts lead to emotions and behaviours Getting acquainted with the ABC formula

Cognitive behavioural therapy - more commonly referred to as CBT -Focuses on the way people think and act in order to help them overcome their emotional and behavioural problems.

Many of the effective CBT practices we discuss in this book should seem like everyday good sense. In our opinion, CBT does have some very straightforward and clear principles and is a largely sensible and practical approach to helping people overcome problems. However, human beings don’t always act according to sensible principles, and most people find that simple solutions can be very difficult to put into practice sometimes. CBT can maximise on your common sense and help you to do the healthy things that you may sometimes do naturally and unthinkingly in a deliberate and self-enhancing way on a regular basis.

In this chapter we take you through the basic principles of CBT and show you how to use these principles to better understand yourself and your problems.

Using Scientifically Tested Methods

The effectiveness of CBT for various psychological problems has been researched more extensively than any other psychotherapeutic approach. CBT’s reputation as a highly effective treatment is growing. Several studies reveal that CBT is more effective than medication alone for the treatment of anxiety and depression. As a result of this research, briefer and more intense treatment methods have been developed for particular anxiety disorders such as panic, anxiety in social settings, or feeling worried all the time.

Scientific research of CBT continues. As a result, more is being discovered about which aspects of the treatment are most useful for different types of people and which therapeutic interventions work best with different types of problems.

Research shows that people who have CBT for various types of problems – in particular, for anxiety and depression – stay well for longer. This means that people who have CBT relapse less often than those who have other forms of psychotherapy or take medication only. This positive result is likely due in part to the Educational aspects Of CBT – people who have CBT receive a lot of information that they can use to become their own therapists.

CBT is growing in popularity. More and more physicians and psychiatrists refer their patients for CBT to help them overcome a wide range of problems with good results. These problems include:

Addiction Anger problems Anxiety

Body dysmorphic disorder Chronic fatigue syndrome Chronic pain Depression Eating disorders Obsessive-compulsive disorder Panic disorder Personality disorders Phobias

Post-traumatic stress disorder Psychotic disorders Relationship problems Social phobia

We discuss many of the disorders in the preceding list in more depth throughout this book but it is very difficult to cover them all. Fortunately, the CBT skills and techniques in this book can be applied to most types of psychological difficulties, so give them a try whether or not your particular problem is specifically discussed.

Understanding CBT

Cognitive behavioural therapy is a school of Psychotherapy That aims to help people overcome their emotional problems.

Cognitive Means mental processes like thinking. The word ‘cognitive’ refers to everything that goes on in your mind including dreams, memories, images, thoughts, and attention.

Behaviour Refers to everything that you do. This includes what you say, how you try to solve problems, how you act, and avoidance. Behaviour refers to both action and inaction, for example biting your tongue instead of speaking your mind is still a behaviour even though you are trying Not To do something.

Therapy Is a word used to describe a systematic approach to combating a problem, illness, or irregular condition.

A central concept in CBT is that You feel the way you think. Therefore, CBT works on the principle that you can live more happily and productively if you’re thinking in healthy ways. This principle is a very simple way of summing up CBT, and we have many more details to share with you later in the book.

Combining science, philosophy, and behaviour

CBT is a powerful treatment because it combines scientific, philosophical, and behavioural aspects into one comprehensive approach to understanding and overcoming common psychological problems.

Getting scientific. CBT is scientific not only in the sense that it has been tested and developed through numerous scientific studies, but also in the sense that it encourages clients to become more like scientists. For example, during CBT, you may develop the ability to treat your thoughts as theories and hunches about reality to be tested (what scientists call Hypotheses), Rather than as facts.

Getting philosophical. CBT recognises that people hold values and beliefs about themselves, the world, and other people. One of the aims of CBT is to help people develop flexible, non-extreme, and self-helping beliefs that help them adapt to reality and pursue their goals.

Your problems are not all just in your mind. Although CBT places great emphasis on thoughts and behaviour as powerful areas to target for change and development, it also places your thoughts and behaviours

Within a Context. CBT recognises that you’re influenced by what’s going on around you and that your Environment Makes a contribution towards the way you think, feel, and act. However, CBT maintains that you can make a difference to the way you feel by changing unhelpful ways of thinking and behaving – even if you can’t change your environment. Incidentally, your environment in the context of CBT includes other people and the way they behave towards you.

Getting active. As the name suggests, CBT also strongly emphasises behaviour. Many CBT techniques involve changing the way you think and feel by modifying the way you behave. Examples include gradually becoming more active if you’re depressed and lethargic, or facing your fears step by step if you’re anxious. CBT also places emphasis on Mental behaviours, Such as worrying and where you focus your attention.

Progressing from problems to goals

A defining characteristic of CBT is that it gives you the tools to develop a Focused Approach. CBT aims to help you move from defined emotional and behavioural problems towards your goals of how you’d like to feel and behave. Thus, CBT is a goal-directed, systematic, problem-solving approach to emotional problems.

Making the Thought-Feeling Link

Like many people, you may assume that if something happens to you, the event Makes You feel a certain way. For example, if your partner treats you inconsiderately, you may conclude that she Makes You angry. You may further deduce that her inconsiderate behaviour Makes You behave in a particular manner, such as sulking or refusing to speak to her for hours (possibly even days; people can sulk for a very long time!).

CBT encourages you to understand that your thinking or Beliefs Lie between the event and your ultimate feelings and actions. Your thoughts, beliefs, and the meanings that you give to an event, produce your emotional and behavioural responses.

So in CBT terms, your partner does not Make You angry and sulky. Rather, your partner behaves inconsiderately, and you assign a meaning to her behaviour such as ‘she’s doing this deliberately to upset me!’ thus Making yourself Angry and sulky.

Emphasising the meanings you attach to events

The Meaning You attach to any sort of event influences the emotional responses you have to that event. Positive events normally lead to positive feelings of happiness or excitement, whereas negative events typically lead to negative feelings like sadness or anxiety.

However, the meanings you attach to certain types of negative events may not be wholly accurate, realistic, or helpful. Sometimes, your thinking may lead you to assign extreme meanings to events, leaving you feeling disturbed.

Psychologists use the word ‘disturbed’ to describe emotional responses that are unhelpful and cause significant discomfort to you. In CBT terminology, ‘disturbed’ means that an emotional or behavioural response is hindering rather than helping you to adapt and cope with a negative event.

For example, if a potential girlfriend rejects you after the first date (event), you may think ‘This proves I’m unlikeable and undesirable’ (meaning), and feel depressed (emotion).

CBT involves identifying thoughts, beliefs, and meanings that are activated when you’re feeling emotionally disturbed. If you assign less extreme, more helpful, more Accurate Meanings to negative events, you are likely to experience less extreme, less disturbing emotional and behavioural responses.

Thus, on being rejected after the first date (event), you could think ‘I guess that person didn’t like me that much; oh well – they’re not the one for me’ (meaning), and feel disappointment (emotion).

Acting out

The ways you think and feel also largely determine the way you Act. If you feel depressed, you’re likely to withdraw and isolate yourself. If you’re anxious, you may avoid situations that you find threatening or dangerous. Your behaviours can be problematic for you in many ways, such as the following:

Self-destructive behaviours, Such as excessive drinking or using drugs to quell anxiety, can cause direct physical harm.

Isolating and mood-depressing behaviours, Such as staying in bed all day or not seeing your friends, increase your sense of isolation and maintain your low mood.

Avoidance behaviours, Such as avoiding situations you perceive as threatening (attending a social outing, using a lift, speaking in public), deprive you of the opportunity to confront and overcome your fears.

Consider the reactions often people

Different people can attach different meanings to a specific situation, resulting in the potential for a vast array of emotional reactions to one situation. For example, consider ten basically similar people who experience the same event, which is having their partner treat them inconsiderately. Potentially, they can have ten (or maybe more) different emotional responses to precisely the same event, depending on how they Think About the event:

Person 1 Attaches the meaning, ‘That idiot has no right to treat me badly-who the hell do they think they are?’ and feels angry.

Person 2 Thinks, ‘This lack of consideration means that my partner doesn’t love me’ and feels depressed.

Person 3 Believes that ‘This inconsideration must mean that my partner is aboutto leave me for someone else’ and feels jealous.

Person 4 Thinks, ‘I don’t deserve to be treated poorly because I always do my best to be considerate to my partner’ and feels hurt.

Person 5 Reckons the event means that ‘I must have done something seriousto upset my partner for them to treat me like this’ and feels guilty.

Person 6 Believes that ‘This inconsideration is a sign that my partner is losing interest in me’ and feels anxious.

Person 7 Thinks, ‘Aha! Now I have a good enough reason to break up with my partner, which I’ve been wanting to do for ages!’ and feels happy.

Person 8 Decides the event means that’My partner has done a bad thing by treating me in this way, and I’m not prepared to put up with it’ and feels annoyed.

Person 9 Thinks, ‘I really wish my partner had been more considerate because we’re usually highly considerate of each other’ and feels disappointed.

Person 10 Believes that ‘My partner must have found out something despicable about me to treat me in this way’ and feels ashamed.

You can see from this example that very different meanings can be assigned to the same event and in turn produce very different emotional responses. Some emotional responses are healthier than others; we discuss this matter in depth in Chapter 6.

Learning \lour ABCs

When you start to get an understanding of your emotional difficulties, CBT encourages you to break down a specific problem you have using the ABC format, In which:

A Is the Activating event. An activating event means a real External Event that has occurred, a future event that you anticipate occurring, or an Internal Event in your mind, such as an image, memory, or dream.

The ‘A is often referred to as your ‘trigger’.

B Is your Beliefs. Your beliefs include your thoughts, your personal rules, the demands you make (on yourself, the world, and other people), and the meanings that you attach to external and internal events.

C Is the Consequences. Consequences include your emotions, behaviours, and physical sensations that accompany different emotions.

Figure 1-1 shows the ABC parts of a problem in picture form.

Figure 1-1:

A Is the activating event, B Is your beliefs and thoughts, and C is the consequences, such asthe emotions you feel after the event, and your subsequent behaviour.

Thoughts

Attitudes Rules Demands Beliefs Images Meanings

Emotions

Healthy feelings Unhealthy feelings Physical sensations

Constructive action Destructive action

Writing down your problem in ABC form - a central CBT technique – helps you differentiate between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and the Trigger Event. We give more information about the ABC form in Chapter 3, and you can find a blank ABC form at the back of the book.

Consider the ABC formulations of two common emotional problems, anxiety and depression. The ABC of anxiety may look like this:

A: You imagine failing a job interview.

B: You believe: ‘I’ve got to make sure that I don’t mess up this interview, otherwise I’ll prove that I’m a failure.’

C: You experience anxiety (emotion), butterflies in your stomach (physical sensation), and drink alcohol to calm your nerves (behaviour).

The ABC of depression may look like this: A: You fail a job interview.

B: You believe: ‘I should’ve done better. This means that I’m a failure!’

C: You experience depression (emotion), loss of appetite (physical sensation), and stay in bed avoiding the outside world (behaviour).

You can use these examples to guide you when you are filling in an ABC form on your own problems. Doing so will help ensure that you record the actual facts of the event under ‘A, your thoughts about the event under ‘B’, and how you feel and act under ‘C. Developing a really clear ABC of your problem can make it much easier for you to realise how your thoughts at ‘B’ lead to your emotional/behavioural responses at ‘C. (Chapter 3 describes the ABC form more fully.)

We give a much fuller description of the principles and practical applications of CBT in the rest of this book. However, here’s a quick reference list of key characteristics of CBT. CBT:

Emphasises the role of the personal meanings that you give to events in determining your emotional responses.

Was developed through extensive scientific evaluation.

Focuses more on how your problems are being Maintained Rather than on searching for a single root cause of the problem.

Offers practical advice and tools for overcoming common emotional problems (see Chapters 9, 10, and 11).

Holds the view that you can change and develop by thinking things through and by trying out new ideas and strategies (head to Chapter 4).

Can address material from your past if doing so can help you to understand and change the way you’re thinking and acting now (Chapter 14 covers this in depth).

Shows you that some of the strategies you’re using to cope with your emotional problems are actually maintaining those problems (Chapter 7 is all about this).

Strives to normalise your emotions, physical sensations, and thoughts rather than to persuade you that they’re clues to ‘hidden’ problems.

CBT

Recognises that you may develop emotional problems About Your emotional problems, for example feeling ashamed about being depressed. (See Chapter 6 for more on this concept.)

Highlights learning techniques and maximises self-help so that ultimately you can become your own therapist. (Head to Chapter 18.)

Getting complicated

Sticking to the simple ABC formulation in which little simplistic, you can consider the more com-A+B=C can serve you well. But if that seems a plicated formulations shown here:

Thoughts

Attitudes Rules Demands Beliefs Images Meanings,

Emotions

Healthy feelings Unhealthy feelings Physical sensations

E. g., shaking, palpitations, dizziness^

Behaviours

Constructive action Self-defeating action^

Effect on your personal world

This diagram shows the complex interaction between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Although your thoughts affect how you feel, your feelings also affect your thinking. So, if you’re having depressed thoughts, your mood is likely to be low. The lower your mood, the more likely you are to act in a depressed manner and to think pessimistically. The combination of feeling depressed, thinking pessimistically, and acting in a depressed manner can.

Ultimately, influence the way you see your personal world. You may focus on negative events in your life and the world in general and therefore accumulate more negative As. This interaction between A, B, and C can become a vicious circle.

CBT pays a lot of attention to changing both unhealthy thinking patterns and unhealthy patterns of behaviour.

2